1. Critical or judgmental attitude: Part of being empathetic is recognizing that people might do things for many different reasons. People who lack empathy fail to give others the benefit of the doubt and assume their actions are meant to hurt or insult others.[2]
Examples:Assuming someone hates you because they cut you off in traffic or thinking someone is stupid because they didn't fill out a form correctly.
2. Inappropriate responses: Communication includes not just the words that are spoken, but the way a person says them and how they act when they say them. If someone lacks empathy, they may not know how to interpret someone's gestures and facial expressions or understand the emotions behind their words, which can lead to inappropriate responses.[3]
Examples:Laughing when someone says they had a hard day or being dismissive of someone's concerns because you think it's no big deal.
3. Poor listening skills: People who are distracted or not paying attention when others are talking likely lack empathy. Because they're not paying attention, a person will miss out on key information about how the speaker is feeling and what they're trying to say.[4]
Examples:Texting while someone's talking to you or not making eye contact.
4. Impatience: Many people who are lacking in empathy only care about themselves. They see other people's emotions as a distraction and don't care to give people the time or space they need to express them.[5]
Telling someone who's upset to "just get over it" or claiming someone who was offended was just being too sensitive.
5. Tunnel vision: For someone who's lacking in empathy, their perspective is the only one that matters. They tend to automatically reject any perspective that clashes with theirs. If someone disagrees with them or thinks they should do something differently, they believe that person is wrong.[6]
Examples:Refusing to listen to advice from a parent, teacher, or another authority figure or insisting that anyone who disagrees with you is stupid.
6. Tendency to blame others: Someone who's lacking in empathy often doesn't realize how their actions impact others. They tend to blame others for their mistakes rather than taking responsibility. In their eyes, they can do nothing wrong.[7]
Examples:Claiming that "they started it" or "they were doing it first" or flipping the blame on the victim with "look what you made me do."
7. Difficulty regulating emotions: Mindfulness is highly associated with empathy. People who aren't very mindful tend to have a hard time regulating or controlling their emotions. They act out with little regard for how their outburst might affect others.[8]
Examples:Flying off the handle in response to a relatively insignificant slight or getting angry at a stranger for something innocuous.
8. Inability to deal with emotional situations: For a person who lacks empathy, big displays of emotion can be annoying or confusing. If they don't understand someone's emotions, they could be completely baffled by the person's reaction. Because they're so confused, they may just check out rather than try to deal with the situation.
Examples:Walking away when someone's upset or getting angry because someone starts crying.
9. Intolerance of different opinions: People won't always agree on everything. Someone with strong empathy can ask questions to try to understand why someone thinks differently than they do or to find common ground. But for those who lack empathy, they're more likely to simply see someone who has a different opinion as wrong.[9]
Examples:Believing anyone who follows a religion you don't follow is stupid or ending a friendship over a fandom dispute.
10. Incapacity to forgive: Someone who's lacking in empathy often sees everything anyone else does as intentional. They have a hard time forgiving someone for making a mistake because they don't understand the other person's emotions and don't register when someone actually regrets something they've done.[10]
Examples:Holding a grudge over something someone did a decade ago or not allowing someone in your home because they made a mess at a party last year.
11. Accusing others of being "too sensitive:" A person lacking in empathy expects everyone to react the same way they would. If they wouldn't get upset over a joke, they don't think any else has the right to get upset over it either. If they do, it must mean there's something wrong with them.[11]
Examples:Saying "you don't have a sense of humor" or "learn to take a joke" or telling someone that something isn't a big deal.
12. Blaming the victim: People who are lacking in empathy tend to think that bad things won't happen to them. When they see something bad happen to someone else, they'll fixate on something that person could have done differently to keep from being victimized. In their mind, if the victim had only acted differently, the bad thing never would've happened.[12]
Examples:Saying someone who was robbed "should have locked their doors" or arguing that people who are overweight are just lazy.
13. Refusal to apologize: If someone is completely unable to empathize with other people, they don't care if anyone is hurt or upset by the things that they do. Typically, they're going to do whatever they want to do without any regard for anyone else. Because they can't connect their actions with the result, they see no reason to feel sorry about what they did.[13]
Examples:Blaming someone else for something you did or making excuses rather than apologizing.
14. Failure to understand effects of behavior: Because people who are lacking in empathy don't understand other people's emotions, they have a hard time linking their actions to anything someone else might feel. They often don't appreciate that the things they do can cause other people to feel a certain way. They might be confused as to how something they did could lead to such a feeling or response.[14]
Examples:Walking away after hurting someone without realizing the person is hurt or leaving a mess for someone else to clean up.
15. Difficulty maintaining relationships: If someone's lacking in empathy, people in their life don't tend to stick around for very long. They likely don't have good relationships with their family members, have few long-term friends, and have short romantic relationships.[15]
Examples:Dating a different person every few months or never talking to parents or siblings.
