Nicole
281 reviews51 followers
I believe in being honest and generous with others. I read this book in an attempt to understand some extremely manipulative people in my life. This book stands for everything I am against. At times I have been shocked by their nerve in how they push and challenge me- it’s so aggressive it feels like being constantly attacked. And in an attempt to give the benefit of the doubt, and to not be rude, too often I have allowed myself to be manipulated. It’s not healthy or right. But this book is helpful, which is why I gave it two stars instead of one. I used it to build a defensive arsenal of words (or silence) I can use in response to these commonly used phrases of manipulation. There is one positive point he made in this book. It’s the 15th phrase, “the good news”, which is used to turn around the negative thoughts of others and help them start thinking in a positive light. I actually loved this one because negativity is so toxic; it affects us all. So I don’t see it as manipulative to counter someone else’s negativity when they’re spewing it all over you. But I hated all the slimey ways he shares to help you get away with challenging others’ decisions. For example, and this one has been used on me, if I say, “I need to speak with my spouse first.” The other replies, “What makes you say that?” Well, I don’t believe that impertinent question deserves an answer, at least not the detailed one that is wanted. Just because he says it in a way that manipulates you into feeling rude if you refuse to answer— such a lie. So I think an appropriate response is “My decision to kindly answer your question.” And then silence. He also teaches the manipulative tool of silence. I think if someone is challenging you and you don’t want to speak to them, and they try to use the silence tool (in which the silence is so uncomfortable the other subconsciously feels obliged to fill the silence), it’s appropriate to end the conversation. “Well I’d better be off now.”
Archit
130 reviews66 followers
A one-time read: to me, first of all, from trying to prevent a giant mistake I see so many people make when they reach the end of a sales presentation. [bet you’re a bit like me: you enjoy working hard now, knowing that it will pay dividends in the future. [: examples for this are endless: [: What happens next is that we are going to take a few moments, complete some of your personal details and get things set up for you to receive everything in the quickest possible time. [are a few examples: am sure you have had many scenarios in which you have longed for someone else to do something that makes your life a little easier, that opens a door for you or provides you with the information you need to make the progress you would like. am sure you have had many scenarios in which you have longed for someone else to do something that makes your life a little easier, that opens a door for you or provides you with the information you need to make the progress you would like.
was for this reason that I figured the best place to start is with a set of Magic Words you can use to introduce something to just about anybody, at just about any point in time, that is completely rejection-free. The words in question are, “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but...”
Let’s take a moment to understand how this simple structure works.
Opening a statement with the words, “I’m not sure if it’s for you,” causes the listener’s subconscious brain to hear, “There’s no pressure here.” By suggesting that they may not be interested, you naturally increase their intrigue. They wonder what “it” is, and this spike in curiosity hooks them. What’s more, it fires an internal driver that tells them a decision needs to be made, and the soft approach
I’m not sure if it’s for you, but would you happen to know someone who is interested in (insert the results of your product or service)?
I’m not sure if it’s for you, but we have plans on Saturday, and you’re welcome to join us.
I’m not sure if it’s for you, but this option is available for this month only, and I would hate for you to miss out.
This rejection-free approach creates a simple outcome. One of two things happens: your listener leans in and asks for more information because they are personally interested, or, in the very, v
How open-minded would you be about trying this as an alternative?
Would you be open-minded about giving this a chance?
How open-minded are you about increasing your monthly income?
Would you be open-minded about seeing if we could work together?
Each of these options makes it very difficult for the other person to reject your idea, and it at least makes them feel obligated to explore the possibility. It seems like you are giving them a choice, when really you are heavily weighting the only option you are giving them. Put simply, “How open-minded are you about at least trying it?”
When introducing a new idea, start with, “How open-minded are you?
What do you know about us, our business and the way we do things differently?
What do you know about everything that has changed since (insert event)?
What do you know about how things really work here?
What do you know about the benefits of (insert product sector)?
You know the times when you have sent over some details or they have said they needed to consult with someone else, and now you need to make contact to take the next step?
When you are fearful that somebody has not done something, instead of asking them how that thing went, you may want to start the conversation slightly differently.
Open the conversation by allowing the other person to save face, but also by preventing them from using any of the excuses you think they might use. This leaves them with nowhere to go in the conversation other than where you would like them to go. The reason they cannot use the excuses is because you have been bold enough to start the conversation in a way that suggests they were about to use the very excuse they had prepared: by prefacing your question with, “I’
Other examples could be...
I’m guessing you haven’t got around to looking over the documents yet?
I’m guessing you haven’t got around to setting a date yet?
I’m guessing you haven’t got around to making a decision yet?
By pushing for the negative scenario, you get people to rise to the positive or to tell you how they are going to fix the thing they said they were going to do
Following many a presentation, the question people reach for is, “Do you have any questions?” Asking this creates the subconscious suggestion that the other person should have questions, and if they don’t, it makes them feel peculiar and perhaps even a little stupid. This encourages them to leave the decision-making conversation and go away to think about it.
A simple change of wording puts you in control. Swap the phrase, “Do you have any questions?” with the improved, “What questions do you have for me?”
A simple change of wording moves this from out of your control to completely in your control. Swap the phrase, “Do you have any questions?” with the improved, “What questions do you have for me?
Consider a scenario in which you have met someone and would like to have a conversation with them at a later time. A mistake many people make is asking, “Can I have your phone number?” When you ask somebody, “Can I have your...?” it creates a permission-based resistance in the other person, which makes it harder to get what you hoped for, since a “yes” or “no” response is required. It can be seen as an invasion of privacy. Instead, asking the alternative question, “What’s the best number to contact you at?” results in people effortlessly giving you the information you requeste
: The words, “As I see it, you have three options,” help the other person through the decision-making process and allow you to appear impartial in doing so.
I bet you’re a bit like me: you hate watching trashy TV in the evening and would rather work on something beneficial.
I bet you’re a bit like me: you’re a busy person who’s always juggling to get everything done.
example of this is a simple pattern of speech that appeared a lot in your youth, and its impact is often overlooked. Adults made many con-ditional statements to us when we were children, such as...
If you don’t eat all your dinner, then you’re not going to get any dessert.
If you don’t study hard at school, then you’re not going to get into the college or job you’re hoping for.
What most people do is complete the forms with me here today. You then receive your welcome pack and we get you booked in for a launch.
What most people do is place a small order to get started, commit to a few of the best products, see how they work out in their daily routines and then decide what they want to do next.
Most people in your circ*mstances would grab this opportunity with both hands, knowing that there is almost no risk.
[By prefacing things with, “The good news is...,” you cause people to face forward with optimism and zap any negative energy out of the conversation.
You can use this same principle with two more words when faced with people who give excuses or reasons as to why they are not ready to move forward.
When somebody gives you an excuse, they expect you to push back and argue around that point. Next time somebody tells you a reason why they do not want to do something, respond by saying, “That’s great.” When somebody says, “I couldn’t do it because of this,” say, “That’s great, you’ve just found out another way that doesn’t work,” and watch how they look at you differently. You have changed the way that they think. Now, some of them might think that you have completely lost it
“Then we need to schedule another meeting for us to get started, and at that point I am going to help you through all the steps to ensure that you realize your goals and are fully aware of all the support that is available to you. In terms of registering your details, what is the best address for you?”
It is your responsibility to lead the conversation, and following the sharing of the required information, your role is to move it toward a close.
[business setting, common objections include...
I haven’t got the time.
It’s the wrong time.
I want to shop around.
I haven’t got the money right now.
I need to speak to somebody else before I make a decision about this.
The worst thing that you could do when such an objection is raised is to respond with your counterargument and make statements that disprove their current opinion. Instead, you can tackle each of these common objections effectively by being inquisitive about them and asking a question in the opposite direction.
Success in negotiating is all about maintaining control in a conversation, and the person in control is always the person who is asking the questions.
The customer says, “I need to speak to somebody else before I make a decision about this.” You say, “What makes you say that?”
The customer says, “Really, I don’t have all the money right now.” You say, “What makes you say that?”
The customer says, “I’m really not sure I’ve got the time to fit this in around what I’m doing right now.” You say, “What makes you say that?”
This shift of control now leaves the other person obligated to give an answer and fill in the gaps in their previous statement.
It prevents you from making prejudgments or entering into an argument, and it
[Here are some examples of how you can use these words to keep the conversation alive:
Look, before you make your mind up, let’s make sure we’ve looked at all the facts.
Before you make your mind up, why don’t we just run through the details one more time so you can know what it is that you are saying no to?
Before you make your mind up, wouldn’t it make sense to speak to a few more people about the difference this could make for you and your family?
These simple exam
[: Perhaps they are looking for you to make a change from your standard terms or they would like you to offer an improved price.
This same thing appears in our personal lives when people make excuses about why they cannot make it to events or celebrations.
These situations are created by the other person delivering an external condition that is affecting their ability to move forward with your idea. They have removed themselves from the process and abdicated responsibility to something out of their control.
You have the power in these situations to isolate this condition and remove the barrier by responding with a powerful question that eliminates their argument. This is achieved by using the question structure, “If I can..., then will you
Would three bottles be enough for you?”
In every set of circ*mstances in which you involve yourself in the decision-making process, you have the power to influence the actions of others.
This use of words drives the recipient to answer the direct question, and “yes” becomes the path of least resistance.
When used skillfully in situations in which somebody impressionable must choose between two options, you will almost always get them to pick the bigger on
[: Using the Magic Words “Just one more thing” keeps the conversation alive and can help you avoid leaving with nothing.
This lesson can translate into many scenarios in our lives. Here is just one of them.
You meet with someone to introduce them to your ideas and look to gain their commitment. They kind of like you and your ideas, but they are not so sure, and the meeting is coming to a close. You thank them for their time, pack your things up and head for the door. At this point you could create a Columbo moment and turn back to them with the words, “Just one more thing.” When they think that they have got away with not buying anything, you introduce a simple idea, something that is really easy for them to try, and bring them into your worldColumbo moment include...
Asking them to sample a product.
Asking them to commit to a small order.
Inviting them to an event.
Introducing them to someone you think they should know.
Asking them to do something for you.
Asking them a question that creates scarcity in your first offer.
As we reach the end of this book, perhaps you could do me a small favor?
Think for a second about how you feel about me asking you that direct question, “Could you do me a small favor?” I am pretty sure that in that split-second moment, you thought that you may be reasonably open to helping me out.
This is a simple and powerful set of Magic Words that you can use to get somebody to agree to do just about anything before they even know what the thing is. The request of a favor almost always gains a unanimous agreement from the recipient, and the worst response possible is still a conditional yes, like, “Depends what it is.”
Think of the things that you could ask people to do following their agreement to the favor you are asking of them
As we reach the end of this book, perhaps you could do me a small favor?
Think for a second about how you feel about me asking you that direct question, “Could you do me a small favor?” I am pretty sure that in that split-second moment, you thought that you may be reasonably open to helping me out.
This is a simple and powerful set of Magic Words that you can use to get somebody to agree to do just about anything before they even know what the thing is. The request of a favor almost always gains a unanimous agreement from the recipient, and the worst response possible is still a conditional yes, like, “Depends what it is.”
Think of the things that you could ask people to do following their agreement to the favor you are asking of them
- influence-persuasion negotiation
